Snow White in Wonderland
by phanzi
Summary: Hetalia OC: Portugal/Rio. Snow White. Alice in Wonderland. Nyotalia. Nekotalia. England's "friends". Warning: AU, OCs and OOC, some Hetero and Self-cest couples, don't like don't read. Full summary inside.
1. The Flying Mint Bunny

**I do not own Hetalia or the characters. I do not own Alice in Wonderland. I do not own Snow White.**

**Summary: The red and white queen of Wonderland are at war again when the red queen finds out there is a girl, Rio in the human world who is fairer than her and the white queen's creation to oppose her. She asks her husband, a pirate, Arthur Clarkland to go to the human world to kill the girl. Rio, however, is brought to safety in Wonderland by Arthur Clarkland's doppelganger. Arthur Clarkland is once again asked to kill Rio while she is a fugitive in Wonderland, hidden and trained by the doppelganger magician, the white queen and the Axis clan of cats to defeat the red queen.**

**XXX**

Rio Juarez Carriedo was a Portuguese, parentless, lifeless, clueless twenty-three-year-old woman working as a historian dash writer in the city of London. She regretted her life decisions and definitely her interest in British history and her belief in magic. While she was diving her head in a book as thick as a gold bar, her friends were out celebrating, celebrating their graduation from Arts school. There was so much to do in the city of London, but she was stuck in her hideous apartment trying to get inspiration for her Mont Blanc pen during weekends and stuck in her bookstore selling unsellable copies of her history books on weekdays.

Although Rio didn't have much of a life, she did have much of a beauty. Despite growing up in a beach-seasoned country, her skin was fair not tan and men would whistle at her lustfully whenever she walked past in her short skirts or tights. She had received many opportunities in high school and university to participate in beauty pageants, contests that would make her famous, but being young and stupid then, she turned them down. And here she was, in an unknown store on an unknown street in London daydreaming about making it to showbiz.

Rio did get a slight glimpse of the stage, though. She wrote plays and scripts, but those were for elementary school drama clubs. Some of them were even turned down by the schools for lacking inspiration. She hated the outdoors, explaining her unusually fair skin, so she'd rather stay indoors and get inspiration on her own. Her current dream was to get an official role in showbiz, or work in the White Tower that has failed to notice her unbelievable knowledge of history.

An eventful evening when Rio was about to close her store and get ready to stone for the weekend, an Englishman walked into the store. She barely noticed him as he was looking around. Why would she, when she barely had customers?

"Sorry, we're closing." Rio said nonchalantly, too clueless to notice it was her rare chance to earn something.

"Oh, I'm looking for Miss Rio Juarez Carriedo."

Rio jerked her head up to see a typical blonde Englishman who looked as young as her. "Yes?"

He gently reached into his jacket and passed me a name card. Rio almost fainted when she saw his profession. He was a playwright. "Wh-what can I do for you?"

"I'm writing a play, but I'll need historical reference and I hear you're quite experienced in that. Why don't we sit down for a cup of tea?"

"Y-Yes." She led him into upstairs to her apartment, where she realized how uncreative the interior was. How could she fail to notice the dull grey carpets that was supposed to be her floor, the white walls, the black and white furniture and the overly spacious spaces. "Have a seat, Mr, um, Kirkland."

"Thanks, love. You seem to be a fan of simplicity."

She giggled and poured the man a cup of tea as she sat down next to him, fidgeting and incessantly repositioning herself to look like someone with a life. "So, what is this play about?"

"Anything to do with magic."

"Oh my gosh, I don't think I can do that."

"Why not? Fantasy, magical creatures, myths, aren't they the best subjects for creative writing?"

"Um, well-"

"That's it then! I'll be coming back for your script on Monday. So long then, Rio."

"What? Wait!" All of the sudden, the man slipped out of Rio's sight without a sound. Was she pouring tea for a hallucination? She needed a therapist badly.

That night, Rio's imagination seemed to take over her. She saw things other than just that made up playwright. He couldn't have been a hallucination if the name card didn't go out of sight. But she seemed to notice something, probably a flying mammal in her home. It was the same breeze she would feel if a bird flew past her, just that it felt heavier and and a lime green flash.

**XXX**

_Oh dear, Arthur, you've shown her too much. Now the girl's all scared!_

_Trust me, Pixie, she's the one!_

_Hm, okay. But you should be aware of the consequences if you've found the wrong girl!_

Rio was awoken the second time that night by the same voices echoing in her head. She sat up abruptly and saw that lime green flash again. "Who's there?"

"Oh, my, what a rude girl." The voice mumbled.

"Who are you? Come out!" Rio's voice was trembling and she couldn't notice her perspiration was dotting every part of her body. She didn't have a weapon with her. What if it was a robber? The voice sounded like that of a child, a child robber? She was scared of an immature, petit human? She seemed to feel a force tiring her out because of this child, although she couldn't smell anything in the air. What if he decided to kill her with some heinous odorless gas in the air?

The lime green flash appeared and again and in front of her was a flying, flowing, lime green rabbit with fur wings attached to its back. "What the hell are you?"

"How rude! I am the Flying Mint Bunny!" The bunny crossed its arms, or legs or paws or whatever those green fur flesh-packed things were.

"Holy shit. I'm seeing things again." Rio mumbled as she picked up the phone on her nightstand and punched the numbers in for her psychologist.

"Hey! Who're you calling?" The bunny chirped.

"Shut up!" Rio yelled at the bunny, although she tried to convince herself she was yelling at air. "Hello, Doctor?"

"Rio, it's two o'clock in the morning. Can't this wait?"

"I'm seeing things again."

"What is it?"

"It's a green bird rabbit thingy. It's like a talking green rabbit that can fly and has wings! And it calls itself the Flying Mint Bunny and it's been harassing me since this evening!" Rio said she tried to catch her breath. After a few seconds of silence, the line was cut. "Hello? Hello?"

"Oh, look at that. Probably your insolent personality has scared him off."

"Calm down, Rio, it's just your imagination. Everything will be fine tomorrow morning." She said, her voice hoarse and trembling as she went back to sleep.

"Hey! I'm not done yet!"

"Go away!" She hissed. She immediately turned off the light on her nightstand and tried to go back to sleep. The light was turned on again by the irksome bunny and she saw it holding a black C-sized Victoria's Secret bra in its paws which was the one she was wearing under her nightgown.

"Give that back, you perverted, dirty hare!" She screamed.

"You'll have to catch me if you want it!" The bunny teased and flew out of her room.

"Shit!" She cursed. She grabbed her robe, put it over her nightgown and followed the bunny. "When I catch you, I'm going to rip those wings off your back and cook you up for Thanksgiving!"

The bunny giggled and flew out of her store, down the street and into a park. Rio didn't care she was running around without a bra on. She didn't notice she didn't feel tired at all when she was chasing the bunny. Passers-by at two o'clock in the morning would probably think she was an insane woman running around the city without a bra on. The bunny reached an unusually large tree and stopped there.

"Slowpoke!" It teased as it stuck out its tongue.

"Don't…you…move…" Rio whispered, but before she could grab the bunny, it flew into a hole at the foot of the tree and she followed it. She fell right into the hole where all her magical hallucinations reappeared, from the pixies to the fairies to the unicorns to the perverted bunny.

_Thump!_

_Are you sure that's her, Arthur? I'm beginning to doubt it. She couldn't even recognize the Flying Mint Bunny. Are you sure she's the hero of Wonderland?_

_I'm absolutely sure, Pixie. She looks exactly like the Rio who killed the evil red king._

_Well, why doesn't she remember anything?_

_I don't know. I think the humans call it, 'Peer Pressure'?_

**XXX**

**Okay, if you don't understand the Clarkland and Kirkland difference, Clarkland is the villain pirate and husband of the red queen while Kirkland is his England doppelganger, the magician aka Mad Hatter. Did I spoil too much? :P**


	2. Wrong directions

_Thump!_

"Ugh…where am I?"

Rio's vision began to clear as she found herself in a palace-like room. She had fallen flat onto a polished marble floor and surrounding her were marble pillars, Art Nouveau decorated walls with odd paintings hung on them, a small wooden table in the middle and an even smaller door behind it. The mysterious door was not even big enough for a puppy to run through, much less a bunny and a flying one at it.

"That bloody bunny…"

"I'm here!" The bunny giggled as it flew through the door in its miniature form, still holding the bra in its paws. Before Rio could reach the door, it was slammed closed and locked as if it had done all that on its own.

"Damn it." Rio snapped. "And how the fuck did that fucking bunny become a FUCKING miniature?"

Rio heard a gasp echo in the room. "Is somewhere there?"

"I don't believe the hero of Wonderland would be so rude. She used the F-word!"

"Who's there?" Rio gasped. "I need help!"

The voice sighed and said, "Well, if you say so…you see that small wooden table over there? There's a small potion on it. Drink it and you'll be able to enter the door."

"How would I know it's not some ridiculous plan to kill me?"

The voice giggled and said, "How ironic! Even if there is, we're not the ones behind it! Either drink the potion or that room will explode in three minutes."

"What is this, SAW?"

"Under the red queen's orders, of course! Drink up!"

"Hello? Hello?" Rio cried. As much as she refused to drink that potion, she had no choice. At least she would have a chance to live. She grabbed the potion that was as big as her little finger and contained only drops of the potion. She opened the potion in a rush for her life, but all of it flew out of the bottle and spilled on the floor as if it was her life. The flat little puddle on the floor, was also slowly dissipating. "Help me!"

She only heard that same irritating giggle of a little girl. Suddenly, she heard a soft, gentle familiar voice of a man. He told her, "Lick it. Lick it off the floor."

"What?"

"Just lick it and quickly make your way through the little door!"

Rio did as told and licked the disgusting liquid off the floor. It tasted horrible and Rio vowed to never trust the voices of a little girl again. Out of the blue, Rio felt her hands shrinking, as well as her legs and soon her entire body was smaller than a mouse and she was standing, clueless, next to the giant empty bottle. The door opened and gladly welcomed her. "Welcome to Wonderland!"

"Very childish, Pixie! Very childish! How could you play a trick on our hero?"

"I don't think she's the hero, Arthur. The last time she came, she drank up the bottle without hesitation and voila! Seconds after she falls into the same guest lounge, she enters Wonderland."

"That was when she was a child, like you. You've lived for thousands of years, Pixie. You should have known better! What if she died in that room?"

"There was no explosion! I was just trying to give her a little scare, now you've ruined all my fun!"

"What did you put in that bottle by the way?"

"Mermaid spit!"

**XXX**

"Off with her head!" Anna Clarkland screamed as she sat up in her crimson bed in her crimson room filled with crimson furniture. It was just a dream. She panted, worrying about her husband's mission in the human world. She began to regret sending him there. She underestimated _that girl_, what if her husband was really killed by that witch? "It's that dream again. I'm going to have to confess to the priest again."

She rolled out of bed and looked into the mirror which was bigger than her petit body. She began to panic when she spotted dark circles under her green eyes, ruining the fairness of her skin. She ran towards the bathroom and started another five hours of facial treatment, even though she didn't really need it since she believed her husband would have killed the witch, Snow White, by now. She turned on the water in the bathtub, stripped off her clothes and lay in the foamy water with her face covered with pollen cream and fresh cucumbers. Her silk dirty blonde hair was tied in a bun to prevent it from touching the soap in the water.

"Your Majesty!" Anna heard her maid call out. "I am here to inform you that your husband has returned from his trip."

"Did you ask for permission to speak, Madeline?"

"Um, I…"

"One more time you speak without permission, I'll take your head off and I won't care that you're new."

"Y-Yes, Your Majesty." The maid mumbled and walked out of the room cussing about Anna.

"Why does everyone hate me?" Anna sighed obliviously. Her voice turned into a growl when the thought of her step sister, Francine Bonnefoy, the white queen of Wonderland ruling the 'pure' districts. "Someday…they'll have to like me."

The door was knocked again and before Anna was about to furiously scold the servant or maid or soldier for disturbing her morning bath, her husband, Arthur Clarkland's voice was heard. "Anna, you in there?"

"Arthur! You're back!"

"May I come in?"

"No!" Anna said, a bit too loud. She couldn't let Arthur, her only source of support and the reason why she was able to rule a part of Wonderland see her dark circles. "I'll be out in a minute!"

"Why not? We're husband and wife, what is there to worry about?" Arthur said seductively.

Anna groaned loudly and quickly rinsed the soap off her body, washed her face and put on her nightgown. She opened the door and glared at Arthur for stopping her morning baths. He chuckled and said, "It's not my fault you won't let me see your body."

"So, you managed to get rid of the girl?"

"No."

"What? I thought I said-"

"Shhh." He said, a finger on his lip. "She isn't in the human world. She's here, in Wonderland. I can feel it."

"And you expect me to believe she magically got her powers back and made her way back to Wonderland?" Anna snorted. "I told you she was the easiest to kill when she's powerless, right?"

"She's got help."

"Who could it be? My stepsister? I'm sure she knows that the only portal to the human world in Wonderland is in my area. If she really sent one of her weak underlings to the human world, they would be dead. My area is well guarded by my soldiers and a poisonous forcefield that can only broken by me."

"Or anyone else in possession of demon magic."

"The only ones who posses demon magic are me and-"

"-Arthur Kirkland. Mad Hatter. My doppelganger."

"That madman was executed _years ago._ That was the reason why Snow White was able to go back to the human world."

"He possesses demon magic. How do you know the head you sliced off years ago was his?"

**XXX**

"That was _uncalled for_." Rio mumbled to herself as she found her miniature self approaching a forest. She had been walking for more than a day aimlessly on a beach much bigger than her and suddenly woke up in a forest. Was the hole in the tree some shortcut to a funhouse? Whoever designed that funhouse was a genius, or a complete idiot. She was no longer a miniature as the forest fitted her size for a human. "Oh great! Just great!" She snapped as she kicked a rock angrily into a bush.

"Ouch! What was that for?"

"Shhh, she'll hear us!"

"We need to tell not awesome LOSERS like her to keep off territories of awesomeness."

"Unexplained voices again!" Rio groaned. "You know what? I'm just going to ignore you. If I continue to talk, you'll probably make me drink something that tastes like SHIT that turns me into the size of SHIT and threaten to blow up this SHITTY forest!"

"Look, you've made our awesome guest angry!"

"Guest? She threw a ROCK into our territory! And people like her are the lowest of awesomeness."

Rio groaned and sat down cross-legged on the grass. "I want to go home!" She whined. "I want to sit in my rotting bookstore rather than be in some shitty funhouse with stupid unexplained voices talking to me!"

"Well, you're probably here because you're a believer!"

"I'm not going to reply…I'm not going to reply…" Rio panted.

"Should we show ourselves?"

"YES. YES YOU SHOULD." Rio snapped.

She crossed her arms and started whining to herself again. Out of the blue, a boy and girl, or rather man and woman jumped out of the bush that Rio kicked the rock into. Their sudden appearance gave Rio a shock. The boy had silver hair and blood red eyes and the girl had nut-brown hair and green eyes. She had to convince herself that they were just actors hired to work in the funhouse. They were both wearing warrior clothes and there was a small chick sitting on the boy's shoulder.

"Hello, awesome guest! I'm Elizaveta Herdevary!" The girl said.

"Seriously, Eliza? Introducing yourself first?" The boy snorted. "I'm Gilbert Beilschmidt aka Awesome aka Awesomeness aka anything related to AWESOMENESS. And this little guy here is Gilbird, my best friend!"

"And we're the best and most awesome hunters dash spies in Wonderland!" Elizaveta chirped.

Gilbert walked towards Rio and pointed a finger into her face. "You have intruded into our territory!"

"Shut up, Gilbert! Must you be so rude?" Elizaveta snapped as she whacked Gilbert with some glowing frying pan. "What is your name, rare guest?"

"My name is Rio-"

"Rio! That sounds like Gilbird's playmate!" Elizaveta giggled.

Gilbert glared at her, rubbing his head that suffered the wrath of Elizaveta's frying pan. "Huh! And you're the one to bring up Rio! You're the one who cooked him!"

"Anyway, what brings you here, Rio?"

"I should be asking you that. What kind of funhouse is this that has no exit anywhere?"

"Funhouse! What's a funhouse? You're in the Wonderland! Though, you seem pretty lost. Are you foreigner?"

"The red queen does not like foreigners…"

"Wait…where am I? Am I in another country?" Rio asked, starting to panic. "I was chasing after this bunny and I fell into-oh wait! Have you seen a flying, green rabbit?"

"You mean the flying mint bunny?" Elizaveta asked, quite surprised.

Gilbert tugged at Elizaveta's sleeve, leaned closer to her and whispered, "She's not that Rio, right? The girl who killed the red king and saved Wonderland?"

"I doubt she's her. Look at this one, she's obviously a human!" Elizaveta whispered back.

"Then how is she able to see the flying mint bunny?"

"Maybe Mad Hatter was bored and cursed her?" Elizaveta turned to Rio. "If you're looking for the Flying Mint Bunny, then you must be looking for the Mad Hatter. He's the owner of the bunny."

"Where is he?"

"Walk straight in that direction and you'll soon see a mobile tea party going on." Gilbert said proudly.

"Thanks!" Rio said as she rushed off into the direction Gilbert pointed at for her.

Moments later, while Gilbert and Elizaveta were still in that bush waiting for somebody to attack, something struck Elizaveta, as if it was a vision. She tugged at the napping Gilbert to wake him up. "Wake up, dumbass!"

"What is it now?" Gilbert groaned.

"You stupid idiot! You led Rio straight to the red queen's castle!"

"So? Maybe she can get directions from the red queen…" Gilbert said nonchalantly, not alert as his head was still sleeping.

Elizaveta raised her hand and gave Gilbert a high-five on his cheek for his correct directions. "Holy shit! I led Rio the wrong way!" Gilbert jolted up and started running in the direction he pointed at for Rio. "Rio! Rio!"

"No point chasing her! She's probably gone a long way now!"

"Then what do we do?"

"Why are you so stupid?"

"Never call awesomeness-"

Gilbert was cut off when the frying pan hit his stung cheek, causing him to collapse. "We'll just have to inform the white queen."

"Why can't we just tell Mad Hatter?"

"You know Mad Hatter. He'll take it into his own hands. Don't you know how risky that is?"

"O-Okay." Gilbert said as he stood up, noticing that Elizaveta had already turned into a feline. He sighed and transformed as well. "Is it really necessary for us to appear in our cat form?"

"Of course it is! Especially for _you_. She'll probably die just looking at your hideous human face."

"That was uncalled for!"

"Your face is uncalled for!"


	3. Let Feliks show you Feliks style

Arthur Kirkland clenched his gloved fists as his eyes twitched at the black brassiere. His cheeks were burning and his face was red, rather due to embarrassment of seeing women's undergarments than annoyance to the Flying Mint Bunny. The C-sized bra lay on the tea table all open and innocent, when Arthur didn't feel so. The Flying Mint Bunny had a wide, bright smile on its face, proud of what it had brought. Pixie was rolling on the table, laughing and tearing as the wings on her back creased. Uni the unicorn stared at the bra with a confused expression.

"Flying Mint Bunny, what's this?" Arthur asked, his voice shaking with anger and embarrassment.

"It's our lead to Rio! It's got her flowery smell on it!" The flying rabbit said gleefully as it flew around Arthur in circles.

"I'm a magician not a dog. I ask for a girl and you give me her brassiere looking all proud and satisfied."

"Ah, don't worry 'bout it, Arthur! She's probably right behind me!"

"She sure is!" Pixie giggled. "Wait till she sees who ordered for that bra to come in his hands!"

"Even if I were as perverted as you, I wouldn't reduce to stealing her brassiere!" Arthur snapped at Flying Mint Bunny. "Worse, you've lost her. I told you to be careful and cut down on the jokes, didn't I? What if she gets lost in the red district?"

"Aw, c'mon! She must have at least a little memory of Wonderland!"

"She was exiled! Banished! Her entire memory was wiped out!"

"Yeah, she was exiled because of you." Pixie snorted.

"If she dies, I'll have to face the red queen on my own. But it won't be long until our powers will be drained."

**XXX**

Rio followed Gilbert's directions and ended up running around in circles. She was trapped in dark forests, swamps and caves where there was a light to it, the light of hope. In TV, the light of hope was described very differently from reality. She thought another miracle might happen, she'd fall into another hole and get back home. She couldn't believe she had travelled this far just to get her bra back. She regretted not asking Gilbert and Elizaveta for a way home, but she doubt they would know. It was no longer a funhouse. It was reality.

She had followed the light three times, the first and second times she had returned to the same place and the third time she was surrounded by weird-looking canines, probably werewolves and was almost devoured by them. Now she had come to a part of the forest which looked like a giant caterpillar pit as she waited for the cosmic vegetarian to come find her and eat her, or at least notify his friends. She had grabbed the tip of the giant leaf and saw giant butterfly eggs there, round and yellow and looking like giant eyeballs staring at her. She almost puked.

Bored, Rio plucked a flower from the ground. It looked like a purple orchid, a talking one. "Hey! Put her down!" squealed the other flowers, their leaves or hands on their stems or waists.

"What now, plants can talk?" Rio growled.

"You bet we can talk!"

"She killed Anastasia!"

"Kill her!"

"Get her!"

"Roar!"

"She deserves to die!"

"Hey hey hey, girls, what are you up to?" Rio heard the voice of a man which gave her the impression of a stereotypical flamboyant female-minded fashion designer. He had a posh, Polish accent. Rio turned to see the leading man, the owner of that voice in a hot pink plastic shirt, white skinny slacks with large holes, shades fixed on his eyes, a big belt with the gold-diamond letters FELIKS tightened on his waist and shoulder-length blonde hair. Behind him, a less flamboyant but equally stylish man with shoulder-length brown hair and green eyes was wearing a yellow short-sleeve exposing his muscles, white skinny slacks and a similar white belt with the silver letters TORIS. "I see we have a guest."

"Boss! She is the one who killed Anastasia!" One of the flowers reported.

"She must be a human then!" Feliks said as he strutted towards Rio, his waist shaking and his legs moving which reminded Rio of 70s. "Hello, sweet, what is your name?"

"My name is-"

"No! Let Feliks guess! Your name is Sweet!" Feliks announced as he took off his shades.

"Actually, it's-"

"No! You look sexy, like Feliks! You are Feliksa!"

The man behind Feliks made a light bow and said politely, "Nice to meet you, Miss Feliksa. I'm Toris."

"But not stylish like Feliks, hm? Okay, I call you Torisa now!" Feliks said as he scanned Rio from head to toe, unsatisfied with her cotton and lace white nightgown. "Tsk, not stylish at all! Do you wear _this _all the time?"

"No. I only wear it when I go to sleep."

"Go to sleep? You must be in your dreams now!" Feliks said as he flipped his hair, which gave Rio an assurance that all this wasn't real. "Okay, Feliks give you sexy dream!"

"What?"

"Come. Feliks show you Feliks style." Feliks said as he grabbed Rio's wrist.

"No!" Rio protested, pulling her arm away from Feliks' grip. "Look, I really, really need to find the Mad Hatter."

"If you go to find him, you need to look like the Feliks style! This unstylish style is not acceptable _anywhere _near Wonderland!" Feliks ignored Rio's whining and complaints as he pulled her towards a small cottage made out of candy. It looked the one owned by the witch in the fairytale Hansel and Gretel, but there was no sign of two stupid children sneaking inside and a cannibal witch locking them in a cage. Toris opened the door for Feliks and Rio to enter, and much to Rio's shock, the cottage looked much bigger inside than outside. It was the size of a mansion, or even a palace. "Welcome to my home, Torisa! Come, I bring you upstairs!"

"What? Where are you taking me?"

"To my room to get you groomed!"

Feliks pulled her up the long, carpeted staircase towards a room with two large wooden doors. Feliks' room was just any other for a princess, but the walls were adorned by panels of pictures of him doing different poses. This man sure loved himself. There was also a Jacuzzi pool in the room and a disco ball hanging above it. There was another door in the room decorated with diamonds which Rio thought led to the bathroom, but it was actually his wardrobe which was much bigger compared to his bedroom.

"This is the Feliks room. It's where Feliks keeps all his clothes and costumes." Toris said meekly.

Feliks snapped his fingers and a few maids sped towards him and stopped accurately a foot away from him. They were three maids with twenty-inch waists, revealing French maid dresses and overly tanned skin appeared. "Ladies, take Miss Torisa to the showers and get her waxed."

"Waxed?"

"Don't worry, Miss Torisa! My ladies are very gentle!"

The maids pulled Rio towards the bathroom, or according to them, the grooming room. It reminded Rio of the scene where Mulan was groomed to look like a bride for her matchmaking session, but she hoped it wasn't to that extent. She just wanted to see the Mad Hatter, get her item back and return home. Why was everyone holding her back?

"Good day, Miss Torisa. I am Donna."

"And I'm Clarise!"

"And I'm Nessa!"

"Actually, my name is-" Rio was cut off by her own shriek when Donna grabbed the hem of her nightgown and pulled it off swiftly. She was forced to strip naked and the maids put her into a bathtub full of cold, soapy water which made Rio's teeth chatter. "Wh-why is th-this wa-water so c-cold?"

"It cleanses your skin better!" Clarise chirped as she put her shampoo-filled fingers in Rio's hair.

"I thought hot water-"

"No, don't say anything. Just leave everything to us, and you'll come out looking like as gorgeous as us!" Donna said.

"Yes, as gorgeous as us!" Nessa said.

"And then we'll get you waxed!" Clarise said.

"Waxed? Why? I'm hairless!" Rio argued, bewildered. "Wait, you're not talking about the hair on my head, right?"

"No, of course not! But we're hairless too and we get waxed every week!"

_Maybe that's why you look like Barbie dolls. _

**XXX**

"Here she is! Isn't she gorgeous?" Donna mused as she pushed Rio into the Feliks room, where Feliks was waiting for Rio's grooming to be done. The three maids were smiling from ear to ear while Rio was looking very confused and embarrassed since they put her in a corset which was suffocating her. It made her waist look like it was a fifteen-inch waist of an anorexic supermodel, the size of her waist contradicting with her legs and chest.

"Just like how I imagined it!" Feliks said as he clapped his hands. "Now, let's get you in a dress and style your hair!"

"I don't really like to _style _my hair."

The maids gasped in unison, but Feliks was normal. He pulled Rio on a platform and used a magical measuring tape to measure the size of her waist, chest and arms. "This isn't my real waist size."

"Do not worry. These corsets are magical, the strings don't snap so easily."

"Why do you keep corsets and dresses anyway?"

"I like to cross-dress."

Without even asking Rio to choose, Feliks turned towards the racks and pulled the dresses out one by one, occasionally looking at Rio. It gave Rio the new ambition of becoming a fashion designer, but she didn't know anything about design. She had the lowest grades in class for Art.

Finally, Feliks finally pulled out a dress and walked towards Rio, beaming. It was a violet and white dress with a large and puffy skirt which Rio dreaded, elbow-length sleeves and a very low neck shaped like the base of a square. It looked like the dresses worn by the women during the Victorian age, if Rio did her homework correctly. Then, the maids pulled Rio in front of a dressing table, where Feliks played with her hair.

**XXX**

Francine Bonnefoy stared at the two cats without any obvious expression. That was what her people admired about her, that she was able to conceal her emotions so well. She had her cat on her lap, which was a dark brown cat, her favorite, called Roderich. There was a brown cat and a silver cat on the floor. The silver cat, Gilbert, the narcissistic one, was actually trembling in front of his queen for the first time instead of boasting to her about being able to bathe himself, just that he did that in his human form. The brown cat, Elizaveta, was on the slippery floor meowing, with her paws covering her eyes. It gave Francine the impression that the two cats had made a mistake, or just the silver cat.

"So, why are you back? I thought you two wanted to explore the red district?" Francine asked, her hand rubbing Roderich's head as he purred, much to Gilbert's annoyance.

"W-we screwed up on the w-way." Elizaveta said as she nudged Gilbert.

"Screwed up? What happened?"

"Gilbert!" Elizaveta snapped.

"Okay, okay! You see, we saw this girl and we think it was Rio the hero the Wonderland because they looked really alike! So she said the Mad Hatter had something that belonged to her, so we decided to lead her to the Mad Hatter and then we gave her wrong directions and now she's headed to the red district! Please don't kill me!"

"We? _You _gave her wrong directions, you _git_!" Elizaveta hissed as she scratched Gilbert's ear.

"Ow! Well you didn't have to scratch me!" The two cats growled at each other and got into a cat fight, oblivious that they were doing that in front of the white queen.

"Well, I think I will just get Arthur to settle this." Francine sighed.

"What? But Your Majesty, you know he's just going to take it in his own hands!" The two felines said in unison as they growled at each other again.

"Which is why he is the most trustworthy for this."

**XXX**

**Review please! ^^ Good or bad review, it will really make my day! :D**


	4. Torisa the Enormous Girl

"Ah, did you call for me, my lovely Francine?" Arthur Kirkland flirted as he bowed in front of Francine. She rolled her eyes, but beamed at the magician as she extended her hand for Arthur to kiss it. He knelt and kissed Francine's pale hand gently and walked over to Roderich who was sitting on the little throne next to Francine and wearing the hat that Arthur made years ago. He rubbed Roderich's head and grinned at the annoyed feline. "And hello to you too, Roderich."

Roderich hissed at Arthur and trailed off to his playroom. He hated magicians, especially Arthur aka the Mad Hatter.

"I actually didn't wish to see you serving me again, Arthur." Francine said. "But I've no choice but to call on you."

"For what reason must you see me so urgently, Francine?"

"Arthur, please. It's 'Your Majesty' to you. Remember that you're no longer a hatter in the white palace." Francine gave Arthur a serious look which Arthur followed as his flirtatious and crazy expression melted from his face. "Your playmate who saved your butt ten years ago is back."

"I know. I brought her back."

"I'm surprised. I thought you would have learnt your lesson."

"Of course I did."

"I'm not interested to know how or why you brought her back, but I know it's a grave mistake. She's currently lost in the red district."

"I brought her back for your sake."

"For _my _sake?" Francine blurted. "Why…how?"

"You're in war with that wretch sister of yours. Rio was, and is, the White Witch aka the Hero of Wonderland. You need somebody to lead your troops."

"Arthur, she doesn't have a clue where she is or why she's here!" Francine said in disbelief. "She was banished and all her memories, including those of her own human life, were taken away! We do not have the time or resources to train her all over again to become the White Witch. Do you have any idea how near battle is? If I lose, Anna will become queen and all of Wonderland will lose its Wonder!"

"Francine, just give me a chance. I can train Rio with the help of-"

"No, Arthur." Francine scolded. "You got your chance to take things into your own mad hands. You wiped out half of my Axis cats, you made Rio lose her memories and powers, you destroyed the red and white alliance and caused this never-ending war! It is your fault that Wonderland is living in fear up until now! Innocent people and creatures panicking about whose boundaries they're on, you caused all this!"

Arthur was silent.

"You should be glad that I've asked for your assistance again. I'm doing it because I know how much you want to see Rio again, but you do your job the way I ask you to do it. All I want you to do is save Rio, maybe have a little teatime with her and then send her home immediately."

"But-"

Francine raised a hand. "No. You will do as I say and if you take this into your own hands again, I will not hesitate to execute you and neither will I save you if the red queen wishes to take you."

**XXX**

"Okay, done. Finally, a hairstyle that suits you and is Feliks style!" Feliks chirped as he finished the last touch of Rio's hair. He swung Rio's chair for her to see her oak-brown hair that has turned into some puff of hair sticking out of her scalp.

"I look like some duchess." Rio said as she extended her arms to reach for her hair.

Feliks slapped her hands. "No! Don't ruin Feliks' masterpiece!"

As Feliks admired his masterpiece which was actually Rio's hair, the door to his mansion or palace or house was knocked, or rather banged on. It seemed like the police of Wonderland were looking for him with a warrant to arrest him. Feliks nodded at Toris and Toris immediately trailed off to answer the door.

"Don't worry, Torisa, I will settle this. You stay here." Feliks said as he followed Toris. On the way down, he grabbed Toris' shoulder and dragged him to the back to make it look like Feliks is more superior. Feliks skipped downstairs to the door, where he was surprised none of the maids went to answer the door. They were all hiding in the kitchen or anywhere they were working that was nowhere near the door.

"This is the Red Police Force! We are here personally with Her Majesty and her husband, Mr Arthur Clarkland! Answer this door!" Feliks heard a deep and flat voice from outside. No wonder the maids were too afraid to open the door. They would risk getting their heads sliced off.

Feliks hurriedly sauntered towards the door, took a deep breath and opened it. Toris didn't understand how Feliks could be so relaxed. He immediately sought refuge in the kitchen with the maids when Feliks was oblivious to it. Feliks looked at the two police officers, keeping his eyes off the red queen and her obnoxious pirate husband. "Good afternoon, Your Majesty and Mr Clarkland. What I can do for you?"

"I know you're hiding a fugitive in your house, Feliks." The red queen said.

"Oh~ and who could this fugitive be? My assistant Toris?" Feliks said sarcastically as he turned, but Toris was not there. He cursed Toris under his breath for embarrassing him but continued to keep his eyes off the red queen.

"Her name is Rio Juarez Carriedo. The White Witch, exiled ten years ago and is suspected to have illegally entered Wonderland again."

"I don't know her. Why would she come here?"

"Someone like you kidnaps everyone, especially young girls like her, and bring them home for grooming."

"I've never seen her before. You need to give me some descriptions, Your Majesty."

"We'd like to search your home for her first."

Meanwhile, upstairs, Rio was sitting on the dressing table chair as the maids eavesdropped on Feliks' conversation with the red queen. The three of them no longer payed any attention to Rio. Her stomach growled and they didn't even jolt up to bring her food. They were paid to groom her, not feed her.

"Shhh!" They shushed in unison when they heard Rio's stomach growl again.

Rio sighed and saw a small box which looked like a music box on the dressing table. She knew people, especially somebody like Feliks, didn't like others peeking at their stuff, but she was curious. She pressed the small keyhole on the box and the box opened immediately, causing Rio to jump in shock. The sound of Rio's shock just made the maids shush without turning. The box was packed with small heart-shaped sweets that had the words, "Eat Me" imprinted on them. How cute.

Rio's stomach growled again and she immediately took one of the sweets and swallowed it.

Nothing happened for a while until Rio realized she was getting taller.

And taller.

And taller.

Her body was also becoming bigger.

Her growth was noticeable and soon her head was out of the roof, her arms and legs shot of the windows. Her dress, for some reason, did not follow her growth and she was unclothed, naked with a small house covering her vitals. She gulped as she felt the red queen staring at her. Feliks' mouth was wide open and he looked like he was about to cry about his house. "Feliks. What is this?" The red queen asked rudely, scanning Rio from head to toe.

"Um, I don't really know." Feliks said as his eyebrows wriggled at Rio for thanking him by destroying his lovely home and his beautiful dress.

"What is your name?" The red queen demanded.

"Uh…I'm…"

"That is Torisa, Your Majesty!" Toris blurted as he ran out of the broken house. He was still trembling, but he hated the red queen so much, he wouldn't even let his worst enemy die in her hands.

"Torisa? And where does she come from, Mr Toris?"

"We found her in the woods just today. The horrible white queen kidnapped and kept her locked in that dreadful palace for years. Fortunately, she found a way to escape. When I found her, she was of normal size but I think the effects of Francine's pastries have come into action." Toris said as his sight wandered at Rio.

"Oh, dear! Poor girl!" The red queen exaggerated. "Look at what that _witch _has done to you!"

"Indeed." Arthur Clarkland said as he continued to stare at Rio, unable to take his eyes off her.

"Officers! Give her something to shrink this enormous girl and escort her back to my palace. Anyone who shares my hatred for the white queen will be suitable to enter my court." The red queen said as she turned around to return home. Rio sighed, relieved and blinked her gigantic eyes to thank Toris. Feliks crossed his arms and returned to his broken home, indignant that the red queen wouldn't even offer to compensate for his losses.

**XXX**

Arthur Kirkland made his way gingerly towards the blood pond of heads upon reaching the red palace. He was disgusted at how the grass can be so finely cut and polished with dew while right next to it was a contrasting pond of bloody heads. He sighed at himself. Why couldn't he just took the main entrance and waltz in normally. After all, the red soldiers were morons without their leader Arthur Clarkland, Kirkland's doppelganger. He wondered how he could be anywhere near a pirate, or even the opposite of a pirate. Clarkland was just as mad as him for working for the red queen.

"Ugh. Heads." Kirkland said as his nose wriggled at the putrid smell of rotting heads.

"You need help, da?" Kirkland rolled his eyes at this familiar voice. He turned to the large tree next to him, where the stupid grey-furred cat showed itself and its smile. It was enormous and the biggest cat in Wonderland. Kirkland immediately recognized it as part of the Allies clan, the clan of cats living and being ill-treated by the red queen.

"Oh, get lost, you irksome little feline." Kirkland said as he shook his fingers in a manner to shoo the cat away.

"Little is not a word to describe me." The cat laughed as he saw Kirkland's squeamish expression at the floating heads. "You don't want to fall!"

"I won't fall." Kirkland snapped. He looked down at the heads. They had faces too, some tired, some sad, some angry and some were even happy or as mad as he was. Those were their last expressions before their heads were sliced off with a heart-shaped axe. "Please forgive me, my friends."

Kirkland took one step on a head and quickly lost his balance and fell into the blood pond. He shot out of the water, shivering at the thought of swallowing the blood. He turned and saw the cat appear again, raising its paw and laughing. "What are _you _doing here, Ivan? I thought you treated the white queen's people as traitors."

"Well, you're not part of her people. In fact, you betrayed her."

"I did not. And even I weren't, I'm certainly not part of your group."

"I wonder. How does that hat of yours stay on that polluted head even when it's supposed to follow the direction of gravitational force?"

"Have you forgotten? I'm the Hatter. And this is my favorite hat. I was born with it, and I will die with it."

"Really, Hatter? How do you know you will ever die? You're, after all, an expert at demon magic. Speaking of which, why not use your powers to cross the pond?"

"This near the red queen's palace? I'd rather not."

"Then you will need my help to _evaporate_."

"That's the stupidest power I've ever heard of."

"No, it's the worst power you've ever _tried_ to learn. It's neither demonic, nor art or normal. It's the special kind of magic that only I possess the best, and I can easily get you past the pond or even in the palace without the red queen noticing."

"Fine. But for your information, I've never _tried _to learn it."


	5. Mad Hatter to the rescue!

Rio, aka Torisa, found herself shrunken to normal size and standing awkwardly in the red queen's throne room, facing a crowd of jealous people. They were actually the red queen's court, her only friends other than her oh-so-loyal pirate husband. Rio had her hair down, the way she liked it and was now wearing a red and black dress made of old curtains and the dresses of the executed, which was similar the other dresses worn by the female court members. She was now the red queen's favorite and was permitted to sit next to the red queen like a pet and call her Miss Anna. The red queen felt proud to have such a pretty favorite, but was insecure that Arthur Clarkland wouldn't look away.

"How do you find my palace so far, Torisa?" The red queen asked, beaming at her new friend.

"Uh…" Rio stammered. "I f-find it lovely, Miss Anna. Just lovely."

"A heaven compared to my sister's, don't you think?"

"Uh, yes."

"You stammer a lot, Torisa. Was your tongue scratched by the white queen's creatures?"

"Um…as you guessed, Miss Anna."

"Well, I've always had a brilliant mind. It's just too bad my parents failed to notice it." The red queen said as her eyes blinked boastfully, much to Rio's disgust. "Oh! I forgot to introduce my husband."

"Yes, Anna?" Clarkland said as soon as he heard his wife mention him.

"Torisa, this is my husband, Arthur Clarkland. You may call him Mr Clarkland, or just Clarkland. But I'd prefer it if you avoid calling him Arthur because only I can do that." The red queen said. "Arthur, this is the enormous girl we found at Feliks'. She is Torisa, the white queen's ex-prisoner."

"It is a pleasure, Miss Torisa." He said as he extended his hand to Rio, but she seemed clueless of what to do which amused him. "May I kiss your hand, love?"

"Oh…um, of course." Rio said as she put her hand on Clarkland's. He leaned down and kissed her hand, not keeping his eyes off Rio. Rio felt shivers going down her spine as his lips gently touched her skin. His stare made her feel uncomfortable. She could also feel the red queen's glare.

"I must say, Miss Torisa, you're indeed a beauty."

"Thank you." Rio said as she immediately pulled back her hand.

"Oh, Arthur! You've scared our guest! Forgive her for her cluelessness, she's just a child." The red queen said strictly.

"Of course. My apologies, Miss Torisa." He said. He gave her a wink before he left, but she tried to ignore him. She forgot she was lost and she was supposed to ask the red queen for directions to where the Mad Hatter is.

"Um, Miss Anna…" Rio began as the red queen whipped her head around to face Rio.

"What is it?"

"Do you have any idea where I can find the Mad Hatter?"

The red queen's face suddenly grew very red and her head was vibrating so obviously that her glasses were shaking. "He's dead! Gone! Thrown to the hundredth floor of Hell!" she screamed, her sound waves blowing Rio's hair. "Why do you ask for him, Miss Torisa?"

"He…he has something that belongs to me."

"Bollocks! The Mad Hatter stole an item belonging to a member of my court? OFF WITH HIS HEAD!"

"I…I thought you s-said he was d-dead?" Rio asked timidly.

"Well he isn't!" The red queen turned and faced her soldiers, red poker card bodies. "What are you idiots waiting for? Find that madman and bring him here so I can take his head off!"

"Your Majesty, we cannot leave without Mr Clarkland's orders." One of the soldiers said bravely.

"I'm your queen, you follow my orders! Mr Clarkland is my husband and he will stay here with me! I don't believe you men are stupid enough to let a madman slip out of your sights!" The red queen bellowed and then diverted her attention to the brave soldier. "And Ace…OFF WITH YOUR HEAD!"

Arthur walked towards his wife. "Are you sure you don't need me to lead them?"

"No, Arthur. I'm sure you've had quite enough of these retards!"

**XXX**

Night fell and Rio was still wandering about the red palace, opening the doors from room to room. She had come across men changing and being mistaken for wanting something, interrupted women's conversations and disturbed sleeping creatures. All she wanted was to find some way to return home or a lead to the Mad Hatter. Wonderland, being so unpredictable, she was bound to find something home. She remembered she fell into a tree in a hole but the red queen didn't grow trees in her home and and there were trees in the gardens. The nearest tree was out of the palace borders, past the blood ponds.

"I just want to go home!" Rio yelled in frustration, her voice echoing in the empty hallways. "Ugh! Stupid flying rabbit!"

"Miss Torisa?" Rio didn't turn or respond to her fake name. She just leaned against a pillar, arms crossed and huffing. When she turned, she almost died of shock when she saw Clarkland's face a centimeter in front of hers. "You didn't respond when I called you."

"Oh, I'm sorry, Mr Clarkland." She said.

"Why address me so formally?"

"Well, I can't call you Arthur and Clarkland is far too rude." Rio said irritably.

Rio looked away from Clarkland, hoping he would leave but he grabbed her wrists and pinned her against the pillar. His face so close she could feel his warm breath on her skin. She panted, but calmed down. She knew the consequences of screaming for help. The pirate would lie and she would be at a disadvantage. "Well I'd certainly enjoy hearing my name come out of your mouth, especially if it was screaming."

"What do you want from me?" Rio said softly, her voice hoarse.

"What do I want from you?" He laughed, much to Rio's annoyance. "Doesn't it seem obvious?" Rio felt his hand reach the hem of her dress, all the lace gathering his hand as he was about to rip her entire clothing off in one go. His other hand went to the back of her thigh as he rubbed it seductively. "I…want you."

"Get away from me." Rio said. She wished she could push him off, but if she did, the force would rip the dress off her and nobody wouldn't question why she was naked in front of the red queen's husband with the dress in his hand.

"Why? I'm not letting go of this chance. I barely get time away from that bitch. Shouldn't we-"

He was cut off when Rio's hand made its way across his face, leaving a rash on his cheek. She grabbed a red vase sitting on the glass table near her and hit it on his head. The sound of the breaking ceramic probably alerted the others. Rio's pulse increased when she heard someone stop her, but it wasn't the red queen. It was her lady governess.

"What were you doing? What happened here?" The woman said as she helped Clarkland up. He rubbed his head and felt blood at the back of his neck. "Are you alright, Mr Clarkland?"

"That girl is a lunatic." He growled as he stared at Rio. "She told me she was in love with me and wanted me to be with her instead of Anna. I resisted, and out of anger, she took the vase and hit me."

"What? You took advantage of me!" Rio protested, her eyes snapping at Clarkland.

"Whore! How dare you! Wait till the red queen knows about this!" The governess walked towards Rio. She snapped out of her rage and realized she would be dead if she didn't escape. She ran towards the other corridor, but it was blocked by two soldiers. They each grabbed one of Rio's arms to keep her from moving. "Take her to the throne room!"

**XXX**

Rio was taken to the throne room as ordered by the governess and the red queen was there. She was bored, her cheek resting on her hand and her elbow resting on the arm of her throne. Her eyes widened in disbelief when she saw her soldiers holding her favorite court member, but her eyes were soon full of indignity and anger when her governess whispered into her ear. But surprisingly, Rio did not get a head-slicing sentence. The red in the red queen's face disappeared and she looked normal and relaxed, much to the governess's and Clarkland's disbelief.

"Oh, you two are as childish as ever!" The red queen's stare was diverted to Clarkland. "Arthur, I thought I told you not to make our guest feel uncomfortable."

"She…I…"

"Never mind then." The red queen turned and gave Rio her brightest and fakest beam. "Torisa, I'm so sorry. It's getting late now, so I will ask my soldiers to escort you to your bedroom."

The soldiers grabbed her arms.

"In a polite manner."

The soldiers let go of her and led her to her _bedroom_.

"I'm afraid Miss Torisa won't be able to taste my delicious breakfast pastries." The red queen mumbled and she signaled for Clarkland to come over. "Arthur, release my beloved pet. You know where to put him."

Clarkland smirked. "Of course, dear."

**XXX**

"Miss Torisa, your bedroom." A soldier said politely, but they both grabbed her arms and threw her into the dark room. It was unlit and pitch dark. She yelled at them for disobeying their queen's orders, but they slammed the door in her face and absolutely no light entered the room. She was a bit frightened, but she tried to feel for the light switch. Then again, her bedroom could not possibly be ready for her in darkness.

She heard a growl. "Um…hello?"

She heard another growl. It sounded like the growl of a bear. An angry bear. "Hello?"

Out of the blue, a light appeared in the darkness. It was like a ball of light hanging from somewhere, but she could only see a spotlight in the room. She saw that the floor was wooden, nothing else. She tried to feel for the light switch, but she felt something hairy instead. Then, she heard another growl.

"Hello?"

Everything seemed so sudden.

A white half-bear, half-piranha appeared. It had the body of the mammal and the head of the deadly man-eating fish. There was a ball of light attached to an antennae sticking out of its head and it roared at Rio, showing its mouth of swords. There was still remains of its victims stuck between its teeth, festering flesh, human insides. She even saw a brain at the back of its teeth which almost made her throw up. Rio's brain could end up there as well, but she thought nothing of it. She thought of nothing but fear. She couldn't even hear her pitched screaming that could even be heard from the throne room.

Then her screaming stopped.

"She's dead." The red queen smiled and kissed Clarkland, who was also smiling but was also disappointed that she died before he could even try her out.

But she wasn't dead.

Rio found herself in another's arms, and no longer in that death room. But she was so tired and traumatized from what she had just saw and thought, she fell asleep. She didn't even care who had rescued her from the teeth of that horrid creature.

"You're welcome, Rio." Kirkland said sarcastically, upset that Rio didn't even say thank you. "You're still as mannerless as ever. Naughty."

**XXX**

**Okay! You're probably very confused now.**

**Clarkland is the bastard pirate and husband of the red queen. **

**Kirkland is MAD HATTER. There is no third person.**

**They're both Arthurs and they both look like England and they're actually DOPPELGANGERS.**

**Doppelganger is a mythical person who looks exactly like you, but has the opposite personality. And since this is WONDERLAND, everything magical or mythical or doesn't exist is part of it. **


	6. Victoria's Secret, C75

Rio woke up to find herself on a decorated chair. She felt as drowsy and giddy as she did when she fell into that hole in the tree. Could she possibly be finally back home in London, back to her lifeless life of selling unsellable books? She saw herself sitting at the end of a rectangular table, clothed with a shredded white tablecloth. There were plates, bowls, teacups and teapots on the table but no cakes or tea. It looked like those tea parties she used to host as a little girl with her stuffed animals.

"She's woken up!" The Flying Mint Bunny cheered.

"Why are you so happy, Flying Mint Bunny? She's going to kill you and the Mad Hatter! I can't wait to see this!" Pixie giggled.

Rio rubbed her eyes for a clearer vision and immediately recognized that irksome lime green fur and lime green wings and lime green ears. Slowly, she rose from her seat as the creatures cheered and laughed and in one swift movement, she grabbed the bunny with both of her hands and began to strangle it. "You fucking pervert! You took my bra and got me into some stupid hole and now I'm in some expert funhouse called Wonderland!"

"Oh my gosh, this is priceless!" Pixie squealed and then burst into laughter.

"Are you looking for this, my dear?" Rio loosened her grip on the coughing bunny and looked up. There was a familiar blonde man wearing a badly damaged hat. He looked like a magician, if not a hatter. She assumed he was the Mad Hatter, but shouldn't he be running away from the red knights? Her black brassiere appeared in front of him, and flew towards her, the cups fitting exactly on her chest. "Victoria's Secret, C75."

"It's you." Rio said flatly when he showed his face. She thought it was the pirate.

"Oh, you remember me?" He asked hopefully.

"You bet I do!" Rio grabbed a teapot which she thought didn't contain any tea, but felt like it did. It was heavy. She flung it at him, but he dodged it and tea pot landed and broke at a tree, tea spilling all over the trunk and wetting the bark. She grabbed another bowl, and plate and continuously threw them at him, but he managed to dodge them all. "You were that pirate! The red queen's husband! You tried to _rape _me and because you couldn't, you blamed me for it and almost got me dead!"

"She's as nuts as us!" The Flying Mint Bunny laughed as he followed Rio and began throwing teacups at Pixie.

Kirkland walked towards Rio leisurely and took anything fragile in her hand and put it down on the tea table. "Naughty little girl. Did I say you could meddle with my tea?"

"Oh, then I say you could meddle with my body?" Rio said as she raised her hand to slap him, but he grabbed it. He held her hand with both of his hands, bowed and kissed it gently, but his lips did not stay there as long as Clarkland's.

"I am Arthur Kirkland aka Mad Hatter aka anything you wish you call a fine young magician like me." He said, letting go of Rio's hand. "But I'd prefer it if you called me Kirkland or Mad Hatter instead of Arthur. You must have mistaken me for that hooligan, that tyrant, unoriginal, copying little bastard, scumbag, mediocre-"

"Kirkland!" Pixie said worriedly.

"I'm…alright." Kirkland said as he turned around and beamed. He took Rio's hand gently and led her to a seat at the table next to his. He grabbed an empty teapot and an empty teacup and poured absolutely nothing into it. "Here, have some tea!"

"There's nothing in this cup." Rio said. She turned and saw Flying Mint Bunny and Pixie slurping the drink in delight, although their teacups were empty. Rio put the edge of the cup to her lips and lifted it. To her surprise, her lips were scalded by the hot drink that didn't appear in the teacup. The creatures laughed at her for spilling it all over her dress. Kirkland smiled and poured more in her cup.

"Were you the one who saved me from that creature?" She asked, remembering that she encountered the red queen's pet in her so-called bedroom.

"I suppose, but you blacked out the moment I caught you."

"How? The creature's leash was off and you couldn't possibly…"

"I'm a magician, what do you think?" He grinned and pointed at an empty serving plate. "Would you like some cake?"

"Not if it makes me grow to the size of Big Ben."

"That's usually the consumer's mistake. You took too big of a bite, didn't you?"

"I guess so."

"The red knights!" Flying Mint Bunny squeaked and quickly hid under the teatable. Pixie followed the rabbit and flew under the table. Alerted, Kirkland took a small bottle of the similar liquid Rio saw in that odd lobby and gave it to her.

"Quick, drink this."

Rio took the bottle. "All of it?"

"Yes, all of it! Quickly!"

Rio drunk it and soon her body was a size smaller than Pixie. Kirkland grabbed her and put her into his pocket. He hid under the table and soon the trio of lunatics of Wonderland was out of sight. The red knights searched the whole tea party, but could not find them. They did not even bother to look under the table as they were truly brainless without Arthur Clarkland leading them. They were just moving and talking poker cards carrying heart spears around without their leader or general. Soon, they were gone and the trio were able to come out from under the table.

"Are they after you?" Rio asked.

"I think they're after both of us." He took Rio out of his pocket and gave her the growing cake. She was soon normal-sized. "The red queen is doing all this."

"What does she want with me?" Rio demanded indignantly. "Didn't she already try to kill me because her husband tried to take advantage of me? What did I do to her?"

"She's been trying to kill you ever since you came to Wonderland, when you were thirteen years old."

"This is the first time I've been or ever heard of a place called Wonderland."

"You were thirteen years old. You came here because you fell into the hole out of curiosity of chasing Flying Mint Bunny. You did have some fun in Wonderland before the red queen found out you were fairer than her and therefore a threat to her throne."

"What does her throne have anything to do with being fair?"

"If her people find out she is not the fairest, they will no longer obey or follow her. She is trying to get rid of you. But she probably didn't know you were you when you were staying in her palace, thankfully. You are the White Witch of Wonderland."

"No I'm not!" Rio said, shaking. She rose and slammed the table. "I'm just a lifeless woman living in the city of London. I'm not part of this! I'm not the fairest of them all, or the White Witch of Wonderland!"

"Then how were you able to see Flying Mint Bunny when it went to your home? How were you able to see me?"

"If I really am, then how come I have no memory of Wonderland or you or the magical creatures?"

"Ten years ago, I was a hatter in the white palace and you were happily the White Witch of Wonderland. You went to look for the red queen with my help because you wanted to go home. You accidentally blurted out the power of the Axis clan of cats, the clan of cats living with the white queen. Because of this, the red queen was jealous and wanted to wipe out the entire clan. Because I tried to save the poor little felines, the red queen took it as the white queen's offence. The white queen had no choice but to declare war. You were exiled, while I was supposed to be executed but Ivan, an evaporating cat, saved my life. The white queen knew, but banned me from her palace because of what I did."

"Is that another reason why the red queen wants me dead?"

"And me, dead, too. But you're her first target."

"Then why did you bring me to Wonderland? I would be safe in my place and you would-"

"I'm supposed to take you back home, but that would endanger the entire Wonderland."

"What? Why?"

"The war had lasted for ten years and the people have had enough of living with two queens who can't work together. I mean the red queen because she's just that bloody stubborn. The two queens will soon seek battle, each with a champion one-on-one. The white queen was planning on fighting _herself_, but it's impossible for her to beat the red queen's champion."

"And that is…?"

"Arthur Clarkland, her husband. He's not just a pirate, he's the type who can heal instantly from a blade wound, resurrect the dead including himself and his vessel, though non-living, can be more monstrous his own wife when he's controlling it."

"Well, I wouldn't mind beating the shit out of him. But I'm not the champion, am I?"

Kirkland was silent. His face was straight.

"But I'm worse than the white queen! I can't even hurt a fly!"

"Which is why I'm going to train you secretly. You are the White Witch. How hard could it be for you to get your powers back?"

Rio crossed her arms. "No. I'd prefer it if you took me home."

"If you go home, who's going to save Wonderland?"

Rio pondered about it for a moment. "You! You're a magician! And since you said you were going to _train _me, you're probably better than me!"

"I wish." Kirkland snorted. "I'm lucky to be alive. I wouldn't dare ask the white queen for a chance like that."

"Why not."

He didn't answer. He just said, "Let me take you home now."

"Really? That's all it took?" Rio asked, surprised.

"Yes." Kirkland rose and held out his hand. Rio took it, but she was still suspicious. What if he was mad that she didn't want to be the white queen's champion that he decided to poison her to send her straight to battle? She could already imagine herself standing all clueless in front of the white queen and an army of her knights and the perverted smirk on Clarkland's face.

They headed towards a hole near a tree not far from the tea table. It looked exactly like the hole that Rio fell into. She couldn't believe she was finally going home. She had never missed her lifeless life this much. "We're here. Jump in."

Kirkland's face looked straight, neither sad nor angry.

"You're not going to miss me, are you?" Rio asked as she studied Kirkland's face more carefully.

"Well I would definitely cry if you were _really _leaving."

"Wait, wha-" Rio was cut off with a yelp when Kirkland swiftly put a hand on her waist and pushed her into the hole.

**XXX**

Anna had just finished her bath and in her nightgown, she went to her bedroom balcony to rest. It was a coincidence that her bedroom was directly opposite the red river of heads. She never bothered to clean the blood from their chopped necks after they were executed. She sat there, staring at the lifeless heads as she thought about the execution of Torisa. It was the first time she used her pet for execution and no matter how serious others' offences were, she always did it the normal way and chopped off their heads. She would not even put her sister in that room if she had the chance. To her, seducing her husband was the most serious offence, more serious than going against her and trying to steal her throne.

She pondered about what her governess and Clarkland had said to her. They all insisted that Torisa was harassing Clarkland, but she had doubts for the first time. Clarkland left home often, either over orders or to his ship. Throughout their whole marriage, he has never slept in the same bed as Anna. Having a child would be delightful, but as much as everyone thought the child would be badly bred, as long as the child belonged to Anna and her husband, she would definitely treat it well.

The more she thought about it, she realized even if Clarkland really did try to cheat on her by seducing Torisa himself, she wouldn't take his head off or exile him or ill-treat him.

Feeling insecure, she called for him before he trailed away to his ship.

"Anna? Did you call for me?" Clarkland said as he entered his wife's room which was technically supposed to be his room too.

"Arthur."

"What is it? Are you unwell? Do you need something?"

"No, I'm not." Anna said as she smiled at her husband. "Could you just stay for tonight?"

"Of course."

Anna frowned. "I mean, you don't want to go back to your ship?"

"Why would I?"

"Are you taking this as an _order_, Arthur?"

"Isn't it?"

"Why would a wife _order_ her husband to come to bed with her?" She sighed. "Or does he want to come to bed with another woman?"

He gulped, but there was no guilt in his face. "Is this about that prisoner you took in?"

"You would know."

"I can't believe you actually think I would ever leave you!" He chuckled, much to his wife's shock. "Is that why you put her with your pet?"

"What you said. What my governess said. What she did made me hate her. And surprisingly, even for me, I hate someone more than my sister, even if she's just a peasant." She said as she leaned on her husband's shoulder. "You know, I did see a bit of sorrow in your face."

"Just as much sorrow as any other person who gets executed. Do you ever see me smile at executions?"

"True, but when I saw your reaction, I was just-"

"Shush." He said hotly. He rose and led his wife to bed, but he didn't tuck himself in next to her. Anna loved that he was so unpredictable, but it scared her sometimes. Sometimes the most predictable can be the unpredictable, but what she predicted could not possibly be the most predictable.

"Won't you get in too?" Anna asked, as she sat up, occasionally blinking at the door where Clarkland would leave when she falls asleep.

He simply shook his head and kissed her gently on the forehead. He continued at it on her lips, followed by another. "I have to go now."

"I thought you'd stay." Anna said as she looked like she was about to cry, which she rarely did.

He stayed in his position, sitting by the side of Anna's bed. He kissed her again, it was long, gentle but he felt no passion in it although Anna did. One hand on her shoulder, he swiftly moved her sleeve down and removed her nightgown as she unbuttoned his shirt. His kisses moved down her neck, to her shoulder as he climbed onto the bed and topped his wife. It was Anna's dream and definitely pleasurable for Clarkland as Anna was not just a young virgin, but a pretty one too. It was the most normal thing to do consummate a marriage, but there could not be considered as making love.


	7. The Wisest of the Wisest

"Ugh…" Rio groaned when she landed from her fall, or rather the pleasant push Kirkland gave her. She landed on grass, thankfully, if not it would have broken her bones. She could only see the ground, plain dirt and grass. The place was literally polluted with smoke – it was everywhere. But it wasn't black smoke, it was blue and instead of smelling like tobacco, it smelled like tulips. Just her luck, Rio was sensitive to that flower.

"Hello? Anybody here?" Rio coughed as she got on her feet. She was sure she was in her world. The world full of humans and impossibilities. "Where am I?"

"You're dangerously near me, stupid girl." Rio jumped at the sound of another unexplained voice. It was deep, and its tone was rude.

"Who are you? Show yourself!"

"Don't you know who _I _am?"

"Well, I can't see you!" Rio snapped. "Not with this fog!"

"Turn around, stupid girl." Rio turned, and saw the figure of a human. A normal person. Though, she could still be in Wonderland. What kind of smoke would be blue and smell like tulips? She could only see his shadow. She ran towards the human, but the nearer she was, the less possible it was for her to finally be home.

"What do you call yourself?" The man said. He had pale blonde hair and green eyes. He was wearing a blue suit and blue top-hat which matched the smoke he was smoking from the pipe in his mouth.

"Rio." She said. "And you are?"

"Stupid girl. I'm the wisest of the wisest, Lars Aafjes." He said as he blew smoke into Rio's face, making her cough. "You're sensitive to my tulips. You must be Rio, the White Witch."

"I am Rio, but I'm not some White Witch." She coughed.

"You might be correct. I did not remember the White Witch being _this _daft."

"Hey, would you stop calling me an idiot? At least I'm not some fancy snobbish jerk walking around in a shiny blue suit and blowing his girly flower gas in others' face while acting like a know-it-all."

"I called you daft, not an idiot, stupid girl."

Rio rolled her eyes. "Anyway, where am I?"

"You're in Wonderland, stupid girl. Didn't you know that before?"

"I meant where I am in Wonderland."

"You're in the training grounds of Wonderland." He said. "If I wasn't smoking, this place would look exactly like the park where you found the entrance to Wonderland. The Mad Hatter did all this and I, as the wisest magician in Wonderland, am supposed to train you in wisdom. By the way, where is that lunatic?"

"I told him I wasn't the White Witch and he said he'd take me home!"

"Stupid girl. The only way for you to do that is to drink the blood of your opponent, Arthur Clarkland. And since you're not home and here with me, you are definitely the White Witch."

"But the Mad Hatter, he-"

"You will settle that with him at another time. I am here to train you, not to listen to your stupid whining. Once you surpass me, you will move on to your next trainer."

"What? I'm not even ready for this!"

"Don't worry. Wisdom can be earned easily and I can promise you, it is a much more useful skill than strength."

**XXX**

The day was nearing noon as the morning began to end. The light was getting brighter and Roderich had no choice but to roll out of bed and get its lunch – food fit for a spoiled, domesticated cat living in luxury. He was born a kitten in the Axis clan, but the raised in the white queen's palace and her favorite pet. His family lived in the cat house right next to the palace. They were not ill-treated, but they were given less freedom and less luxury. Roderich could play whenever he wanted to play, sleep whenever he wanted to sleep and eat whatever he wanted to eat.

That noon, he could already smell of the aroma of braised fish and warm potato salad from the kitchen, coupled with a bowl of cold milk. He rolled off the bed that Francine slept in, but before he could happily trail off to the kitchen, he heard meows from outside, right opposite Francine's bedroom. It was the three leaders of the Axis clan, whom he called obnoxious as they were not as domesticated as him. There was Feliciano, a spotted auburn and white breed with a small hair curl on its head, Ludwig, a plain grey breed and Kiku, a spotted black and white breed.

Feliciano was a rather dumb cat who preferred pasta over fish and had a twin brother in the clan who sort of hated him. Ludwig was alright to Roderich, but he had anger management problems and would scratch people over the smallest thing. Kiku was the most civilized to Roderich, but he was rather antisocial and spent most of his playtime with Feliciano and Ludwig only. Kiku was also a bit odd as he did not enjoy playing with yarn. He was the oddest cat in the clan because he expressed no interest in yarn. But really, who could possibly resist yarn?

The three of them was standing outside the white palace, opposite Francine's bedroom. Ludwig was continuously scratching Feliciano who was continuously crying while Kiku was meowing for Roderich. "Roderich-san, we're going to play with some Allies cats at the fish pond. You want to come with us?"

"Of course not! Why would I go there? I absolutely despise the Allies!"

"Oh…alright then. Suit yourself. See you again, Roderich-san."

"Wait, guys!" Roderich cried as he saw the three cats slowly disappearing into the forest. "Can't we play indoors? In my playroom? Don't you think that's more fun than playing at the dangerous fish pond? You can invite the Allies if you want!"

"So, is Roderich coming? I was too busy scratching Feliciano for eating up my fish pasta breakfast." Ludwig asked Kiku as he continued to glare at Feliciano.

"Ve~ it's not my fault! I was too hungry and you were still asleep!" Feliciano whined.

"No. Roderich-san said he dislikes the Allies."

"Oh well. I guess it's just the three of us, again." Ludwig sighed. "He's always like that. One day, he's going to end up with no friends."

The three cats sighed in unison and continued on their way to the fish pond to meet their friends. The Allies clan was another clan of cats living with the red queen. They originally stayed with the white queen, but the red queen kidnapped them and kept them when the war began. They were badly treated and unpopulated as most of the cats get their furry heads chopped off for trying to run away. They were allowed to wander about the red district, but they were not allowed to go over to the white district and they had an early curfew. Thankfully, the fish pond was smacked right between the two district.

Suddenly, they heard something in the bushes. They were still in the white district.

"You hear that?" Ludwig said as he stopped Feliciano and Kiku.

"Ve~?"

"It can't be…"

"Boo." The cats all hissed in shock when they saw Kirkland standing right in front of them. They remembered how much they hated him when he was still the white queen's hatter, when he always scared the crap out of them and used magic to turn them into all sorts of things just for his amusement.

"It's you!" Ludwig screeched.

"You should have seen the looks on your faces!" Ludwig felt his brows furrow as Kirkland laughed manically at them.

"I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!" Ludwig hissed as he rose in an attempt to pounce onto Kirkland and scratch him until he bleeds to death, but Kirkland grabbed the ribbon around his neck and stopped him with ease.

"Aw, Ludwig, you're still the most adorable!" Kirkland said as he tickled Ludwig's small nose.

"Ve~ I thought I was!" Feliciano whined.

"Anyway, why are you here, Mr Kirkland? The white queen will not be happy to hear that you're here." Kiku said.

"I came to look for you! Oh, I've missed the three of you so much!"

"You know we're not going to believe that!" Ludwig hissed. "You hate us to the core."

Kirkland sighed. "Fine. I came to ask you three for a favor."

"Ve~ does that mean you really hate us?" Feliciano cried.

"No." Kirkland said. "I need you three to train Rio, the White Witch to become the white queen's champion for the final battle between the queens."

"Did you receive the white queen's permission to train her?" Ludwig asked. "I thought she had been banished to the human world ten years ago when you brought Wonderland into this state?"

Kirkland rolled his eyes. "She's back. I brought her back."

"Yes, but the white queen wants her back home. She put that into your responsibility. Why are you holding her back? How could you disobey the white queen?" Kiku said.

"It's for the white queen's own good. The final battle will only be a fight between the two champions. Any interference from even the weakest knight will be considered as a message to continue the war and lead the final battle into a bloody, never-ending fight. The white queen cannot defeat Arthur Clarkland and I know she will never let me or her precious felines fight. Rio may have been exiled and has no memory of being the White Witch, but we have enough time to train her. That's why I need you three to be her trainers."

"We would do anything in advantage of the white queen, but does the girl want it? Does she know what she's in for?"

"She doesn't have a choice."

**XXX**

"Wisdom can be earned easily, like I said, from having a strong mind." Lars said calmly as he continued to suck the tulip gas from his pipe, much to Rio's disgust. It had been almost a day into the training and all Lars wanted Rio to do was to mediate.

"And a strong mind is earned from _mediating_?"

"Mediating is a practice done by magicians to strengthen their thinking."

"I can tell." Rio coughed when Lars blew smoke into her face again.

"Nothing can be solved by tears or violence. That is what I find most tragic about the stupid war between the two queens."

"Speaking of that, you're for the white queen for the crown, aren't you?"

"I am for no one, though I am leaning towards the white queen. This unnecessary war is caused by the red queen, most immature and unwise."

Rio raised a brow in inquiry. "Is the red queen really that horrible?"

"It will take longer than the length of time for me to describe her negatives. Why do you ask? I was told she set her pet on you just because you tried to flirt with that notorious pirate Arthur Clarkland."

"I did nothing to him! He tried to take advantage of me!" She protested.

"Now you see."

"But I pity her…in a way. I mean to have such a husband, and she's still so obsessed with him."

"I find her husband more reasonable to pity." Lars said, but suddenly his proud and loud voice began to soften. "He used to have an affair with the white queen."

"Excuse me?"

"That's it for today then." He blew the smoke from the end of his pipe. "Your body's so oily. Why is that?"

"It's because you made me mediate in the sun for the whole day?"

"Oh, right. Go take a bath then."

"Where?"

Lars rolled his eyes and groaned. "Stupid girl. There's a lake right over there."

"Isn't that pool, like, right next to a volcano."

"You know, I don't really enjoy hearing a 'like' in between every phrase you say. Is that a human thing to do? It's very irritating, please stop it. And that's not a volcano, stupid girl, it's simply a water hole." Lars nagged as he trailed away. "Humans…"

"Wait! Don't just leave me here!" Rio groaned, but Lars had already disappeared.

She walked towards the small steaming pool of water. It looked like a hot spring, just that this was Wonderland, the world full of impossibilities of the human world. She could enjoy herself in the water and suddenly, the water would have a mind of its own and drain the pool. If not, she would start to hear unexplained voices again coming from the water. Nevertheless, Rio still felt oily and disgusting, so she removed the dress the red queen gave her and jumped into the pool. The water was warm and good enough for her skin.

As Rio continued to stay in the water that somehow healed her wounds and did not prune her skin, she noticed an animal figure walking towards her in the fog. It was blonde cat with the same green eyes as Lars'. A cat that was not scared of water.

"Where did you come from, little guy?" Rio asked as she rubbed the cat's head lovingly. She giggled at its purring, but realized it was not scared of water and looked rather familiar. "Wait a minute, you're not scared of water?"

"Of course not, stupid girl, it's me." The cat said.

"Pervert!" Rio shrieked. She grabbed the cat's neck viciously in an attempt to strangle it. "That must be why you insisted on me trying the bath!"

"L-let me g-go. Wh-who would w-want to s-see y-you na-naked?" The cat struggled as it moved its furry head around Rio's fingers.

She tightened her grip on the cat's neck. "Perverted know-it-all. You sure have a _developed _mind from all that mediating!"

"St-stop it! Y-you'll k-kill me!"

"Fine! But don't ever call me stupid again!" Rio's hand shook a little and she finally let go of Lars' neck. He fell into the water and hissed at it. He climbed out of the pool and panted.

"Stupid girl! You could have killed me!"


End file.
